I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
