Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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