so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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