It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
