This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
