Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
