Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
