He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
