Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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