absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
