Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
