Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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