my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
