You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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