Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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