I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
