Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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