i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a search helicopter?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life is pants optional.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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