Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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