Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
