they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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