nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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