I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
