Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
