oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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