I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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