This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Text me some of your sweat
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
