come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
