OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
