i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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