I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
