My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
