11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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