I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
