are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
