I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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