Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
