Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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