sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
