My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
