My friends, they love my intelligence
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
