Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
