k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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