I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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