k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
don't judge my taste in strippers
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
