I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
