My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
