do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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