I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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