I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
