you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
