The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
