Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
