State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
