literally had 100 drinks last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
