my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
