You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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